medical! The retired guys roll with it; the
working guys worry about it. It’s very much
a part of the flying life.
After the second beer, “pilot
personalities” began to emerge. Warren
walked in sporting a very gray beard. He
was greeted with, “Hey, Warren, does
the glue hurt that you glue your beard
on with?” And from Reese, “Warren,
you remember the time you gave me a
checkride in the sim and you failed an
engine on the first takeoff and I never got
it back for any of the other approaches?”
Warren gave the head-down shoulder
shrug that said, “Aw, shucks…sorry.”
And, “Hey, Greg, remember the time
you put the ‘help wanted’ sign in the
cockpit window while parked at the gate?
And the fake baby diaper you used to pick
up off the floor and put on your head to the
gasps of the flight attendants?”
Greg, nodding and smiling, said, “Yeah,
I got ‘the call’ on a couple of those.”
Then Greg told the story of flying with
Ron’s (another retired captain) daughter
as first officer. They were holding short for
takeoff because there was another airplane
on the runway awaiting takeoff clearance.
Once the airplane on the runway started to
roll, Greg started inching forward. Ron’s
daughter then looked over at Greg and
said, “What is it about ‘hold short’ that you
don’t understand?”
Stan chimed in with, “Remember going
to the sim in Charlotte? We asked the cab
driver how far it was to Kitty Hawk? The
cab driver just kept saying ‘Kitty Hawk?
Kitty Hawk?’ Finally I said, you know…where
the Wright brothers first flew? And the cab
driver said, ‘Don’t know no Kitty Hawk.
Guess they ran that right by me in school.’”
And, “Hey, Stan, remember that guy
who was having trouble with steep turns in
the sim, and you reached over his shoulder
from the instructor station and rolled the
sim into a 45-degree bank and the altimeter
never moved? Did you ever tell him you had
the altitude hold on back at the console?”
Reese added, “I remember asking So-and-
so—don’t remember his name—up ahead of
me how the weather was. He answered, ‘It’s
blacker’n the inside of a cow.’”
It was about this time that a couple of
complete strangers walked up and asked,
“Who are you guys? You’re having too
much fun! How do we get in your group?”
They smiled and moved on, but they would
have been welcome to listen in. But to be
fully accepted into the group you have
to have shed some ice and seen lightning
inside a thunderstorm at night. That’s the
fraternal bond.
Then someone asked, “BJ, remember
when So-and-so was asking you about the
airplane’s wingspan, length, height of the
tail, and stuff like that during an oral exam?
And you said, ‘They pay me to fly the things,
not build boxes for ’em.’?”
Most of these guys are what
some would call politically incorrect. And if someone did call
them that, it wouldn’t bother
them one iota.
Tom, our favorite ground school
instructor, was at the gathering, too. He
lost his medical early on but was a gifted
instructor, so he conducted many of our
ground schools over the years. It was good
to see him. He told of the time he had
one of our resident rebel pilots in ground
school and the guy had a burr under his
saddle about some procedure and would
not let it go. Finally, Tom pointed at him
and said, “You! Come with me!” With
that, Tom walked down the hall and into
his office, the rebel following. Tom then
kicked the door closed and said, “Let it go!
Don’t you ever try to hijack my ground
school! Ever!” Then they both walked
back into ground school and all was well.
Problem solved. Tom commanded respect,
but mostly because he knew his stuff
and presented it so well. He had a way of
stuffing stuff into our brains without us
even knowing how it got there! One of his
favorite expressions, after describing a
particular system, was, “It’s EWOD—either
works or doesn’t.”
How many of the guys are still flying?
Not many. Some lost medicals; some just
wanted to try something else; some were
burned out. Some still fly—I count myself
among that fortunate few. Two are aircraft
homebuilders.
Lauran Paine Jr., EAA 582274, is a retired mili-
tary pilot and retired airline pilot. He built
and flies an RV- 8 and has owned a Stearman and
a Champ. Learn more about Lauran at his website,
www.ThunderBumper.com.
